Home.
April 3, 2011
A certain sense of something happening beyond my control is where it all began. Not the sense that meant I was nervous, or stressed, but just a knowledge that this was meant to happen exactly as it is happening..and there was very little that I could do to change it. All very unexpected, and yet oddly familiar. This was why I noticed it. This was what made it completely real. It was stronger than me or even both of us, and stronger than I could ever imagine. And, I had imagined quite a lot.
It was home.
What is it that allows us to open our minds and hearts up to someone new and create a friendship? We learn from the situations of the past – what we need, what we hope for, what we cannot live with, and what we cannot live without. How is it, that with a friendship growing between 2 people – there is a belief that the other is showing us their true self and can be trusted with our thoughts and most sensitive needs? Is it pheromones? Is it something in the dialogue? Is it common ground? It could be all of the above, or it could be home.
I think I have been looking during most of my adult life for a place of beauty and ease. The beauty could take the form of surface-level objects or dwellings (which it has been in the past), or an overall sense of joy and light and positivity. The ‘ease’ is obvious. I think I came close to it a couple of times…but there was an obstacle that I wasn’t focusing on. Smoke and mirrors, if you will. I know myself better now, and know that wasn’t good enough for me. It was somebody else’s dream, and I am meant to live my own.
So here I am looking at him. At ‘us’. Often accused of analyzing things: I am not picking it apart – but instead I am celebrating it. There are many things we haven’t experienced yet and many things we will rely on each other for. Of this, I have no fear. When I don’t know what lies ahead it is quite Ok. When I think of the challenges and ‘firsts’ and unknown events we may face – for the first time that I can remember, I don’t spend much time there.
It is a strong and real love we have found. It is our Home Sweet Home.
